Episode 30: An Empathetic Nudge
Meanwhile, on the courthouse steps, the media circus continued.
“After Senator Castillo brilliantly shot down defense attempts to introduce evidence from a known transphobe and so-called de-transitioning expert,” the network reporter proclaimed, “we’re told the transphobe teacher, Michael Andrews, himself, may be taking the stand in his own defense later today, where he can be cross-examined, so we can find out how a teacher, entrusted with the welfare of our students, could be so lacking in empathy. Stay tuned to The Good Morning News for our continuing live coverage of the Andrews Transphobia Trial after these brief messages from our sponsors.”
“Yo, zoomers, what’s up? Zoomcaster here back with another update from the courtroom. Yesterday was a wild ride. Seemed like something of a double cross at the trial. Our man Travis let Roxy put Professor Buchmann on the stand to give expert testimony for the state, but then Roxy flip-flopped and is trying to keep Travis from introducing testimony from his own expert witness. This morning, we’ll be finding out how Judge Connor untangles THAT mess! So, stay right here with ya’ boy, Zoomcaster, and ‘Like’ and ‘Subscribe!’”
“You’re watching the number one conservative videocast in the entire universe,” began another young man. “Nothing ruffles THIS conservative’s bowtie more than the suggestion that conservatives should never apologize no matter what. Why can’t we conservatives be big enough to apologize when we’ve caused offense? After all, our Judeo-Christian morality tells us to man up and accept responsibility for our actions. Psalm 38:18 teaches us, ‘For I will declare mine iniquity; I will be sorry for my sin.’ What is the conservative case for an apology? Should Dr. Andrews apologize? THESE are the kinds of conversations we NEED to be having.”
“The tension continues to build here at the Andrews Transphobia Trial,” the British reporter explained, “as we expect Dr. Andrews to be taking the stand to try to defend his transphobic attitudes. How can a teacher, entrusted with the welfare of American students, be so utterly lacking in empathy? We may soon find out.”
“In view of the fact that everyone here looks for the jury to bring in a verdict of guilty,” the gray-haired reporter observed, “it might be expected that the prosecution would show considerable amiability and allow the defense a rather free play. Instead, Senator Castillo has been contesting every point very vigorously and taking every advantage of her superior familiarity with local procedure. There was, in fact, considerable heat in the trial yesterday, as Senator Travis thought he’d reached a verbal agreement to allow both sides’ expert witnesses to testify in front of the jury, only to see Senator Castillo insist her word was not worth the paper it wasn’t printed on.”
“Perhaps the most surprising aspect of the Andrews Transphobia Trial,” opined one reporter, “is how recent events have exposed the utter lack of empathy some teachers have toward their students. Later today, Senator Castillo may have an opportunity to cross-examine one such teacher.”
“Deep breath in… hold it… and out,” began a balding man. “Now that you’re all centered with our inspiration inhalation, you’re ready to learn from The Great Analyzer, live from the Andrews Trial. Physicists will tell you that the fundamental nature of reality is unknowable to us humans. Just look up the ‘double slit experiment’ and ‘quantum entanglement’ if you don’t believe me. The best you can hope for is an approximate understanding that aligns with experimental results. Let’s analyze how well my insightful ‘hurt feelings hypothesis’ explains the wrangling we’ve seen about expert witnesses. Am I right? Of course, I am. Let me explain.”
“Let me tell you, we ARE making a difference with our empathy and with our courage,” emoted another reporter. “The influx of elite media and journalistic talent to this remote rural county for the Andrews Transphobia Trial is having a positive influence on the locals. Why, on the shuttlebus from the courthouse back to the hotel yesterday, the driver attempted to take my bag from me and load it on the rack without even ASKING my permission! ‘This is MAGA country!’ he declared. ‘I am a strong and independent woman capable of taking care of my OWN bag,’ I informed him. And, the whole bus cheered.”
“The talking head buzzword of the day appears to be ‘empathy,’” began the Dangerous Tranny. “Let me tell you, darlings, I believe in putting facts, fun, and fabulousness ahead of feelings. That terrifies the defenders of fact-free dogma on the left and the gender radicals in particular. They’ve made an academic discipline out of fiction and feelings instead of facts and reason. Win, lose, or draw here at the Andrews Trial, we need to continue defying their silly social taboos to let them know they’re not only wrong, but also unpersuasive.”
